Is That a Loaf of Bread, or Are You Just Happy to See Me?

Epic bread fail...

Tonight, my friend Margaret invited me over for boeuf bourguignon a la Julia Child.  This was a dinner party of epic proportions (I mean, she made an entire roast chicken as a side dish).  My job was to bring over crusty bread.

The original plan was to bring my  uber-successful challah, but I realized there wasn’t enough bread left to go around for 10 people. Plus, Jeff, Jon, and I were saving it to make french toast for dinner this week…

So, I got the genius idea to make Mark Bittman’s Fastest Yeast Bread from How to Cook Everything.  In the recipe, he even says that you can start his bread at 5:30 and have it ready by 7.  And anyway, if I can make challah, I’m a bread master now, right?

WRONG.  When I pulled the quick bread out of oven at 7:30 (just in time for dinner), it was so dense and heavy that I could’ve bludgeoned someone over the head with it and made off with their wallet…  So naturally, I panicked, and showed up at Margaret’s with a dough anvil in my hand.

Where's the boeuf?

Is That a Loaf of Bread?
When I walked through the door, people asked expectantly, “Hey, is that a fresh loaf of bread?” I laughed nervously and answered, “Well, maybe?” and then made a beeline for the kitchen, where I hacked the bread into pieces like an ax murderer.

I was heartbroken to find that even though the bread had browned perfectly, it was undercooked and yeasty inside. Before the night was over, the bread was resting in peace in the garbage can.  So what went wrong?

Sadly, the answer is one word pure and simple — overconfidence.  Up until now, I was kneading my doughs meticulously with extra help from the stand mixer.  This time around, I kneaded the bread like I was chronically anemic, I was lazy about shaping the loaf, and I completely forgot to cut slits into the top when I put the loaf in the oven.

I plan to revisit this recipe in hopes of finding ways to make baking bread day-to-day more accessible.  But for now, I leave you to go watch our Julia & Jacques: Cooking at Home DVDs (yes, Jeff owns the entire series — he even showed me how Jacques makes an omelet on our second date) in search of encouragement and laughs.